Judge John Hodgman on the Texts His Wife Doesn’t Appreciate

Daniel writes: When I walk the dog, I leave the house via the garage. Sometimes I see there’s a package at our front door that we haven’t noticed. I text my wife to notify her, so that she can get it because I may forget by the time I’m back. She does not appreciate this, particularly when I do it even though I know she’s not at home.

I don’t know what you said in your wedding vows, but I suspect it did not include the phrase “I will love and honor you and treat you like my phone.” Asking your spouse to be a mnemonic device once or twice is no deadly sin, but cumulatively it adds up to sloth, and I’m not surprised it inspires some wrath. She is a whole human being with stuff on her mind too. Consider all the problems and chores that she’s NOT habitually verbalizing to you, and just get the package when you see it.

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